Aloneness is not the same as lonliness

As I lay in bed last night drifting off to sleep I thought about my sisters.  You see, one of them recently had a birthday and wrote about the wonderful present her hubby gave her.  I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know my sister is happy.

I thought about a time in my past when I was a young mother, still married, and determined to honor God to the best of my ability in my marriage.  My three sisters where all, at that time, single.  I envied them so much, I wondered what it must be like to be so 'free'.  

Funny how life changes things.  Here we are nearly two decades later and they are all very happilly married and I am divorced.  

So, as I lay in bed thinking about all this, I thought about the fact that they all have someone to snuggle with tonight as they go to sleep.  

Then, I thought, "Hmmm, I don't know if I am sad that I don't have a snuggle buddy or not".  You see my ex was a big sweater and I hated touching him when he slept, not to mention he preferred a big pillow over me.  

I thought about the commitment that comes with snuggling and realized I am not ready to give up part of myself in a committed relationship just so I can snuggle.  So.... I sleep alone.  No worries, I have a nice big dog that sleeps on the floor next to me and the sound of her snoring reminds me that I am not alone.  

So, back to the subject at hand - "Aloneness is not the same as lonliness".  Yesterday I did feel a bit alone, because I have a lot on my shoulders in life and sometimes it is a bit overwhelming.  I thought about how nice it might be to have someone I could rely on to help me in my life and be my 'partner'.  However, so far I have not found anyone that I have felt would make a good life partner for me.  So... I plug on alone.  But.... not lonely.  Nope, first of all I have God.  I can talk to Him and ask for his help.  Second I have a teenage son at home that I still need to cook for and tend to.  Third, I have friends and from time to time I get together with them.  But when I am alone, I garden, practice neat recipies, play my guitar, write letters, etc.... and when evening comes around I don't have to have a hot meal on the table.  When bedtime comes around I don't have to 'feel' sexy.  I just pass out in bed.  When I am writing in a journal I don't have to give explanation as to what I am writing about or is every thing ok?  I just write. Alone life can be quite fulfilling most of the time.  Call me strange, but it's true for me.  I eat what I want most of the time.  I wear what I want.  I decorate how I want.  

Now, some may say "But what about growing old, don't you want someone to grow old with?".  Well, I have given that thought, and maybe I will have someone to grow old with one day.  But today I am not old.  I have not yet found anyone that I truly look forward to spending my 'old' years with.  I don't want to be a caretaker, I don't want be held back by someone's lack of enthusiasm for life, and up to this point my options have not proven to be very promising.  Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are many very nice men out there.  But I am a little bit too much for most of them, when it comes to personality.  But I am not enough when it comes to looking like a playboy bunny.  What can I say, I am a naturalist and to some men, thats a turn off.  Oh well.  Like I said, I continue on living my life the way I want to.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not one of those women that doesn't shave.  I like to be WOMAN.  But, I don't want to have to compromise anything about myself just to keep a man happy.  And likewise I would not expect a man to feel the need to compromise himself. So, for now I live.... alone. But, not lonely!

Well, it looks like she's staying!

Delilah is a lovely, beautiful but very clumsy, and slightly 'off' Golden Lab.  I got her when she was only 14 weeks old.  She has grown up with me for the last 2 1/2 years.  However, due to the fact that I had to move into an apartment about a year ago, I have bounced back and forth with the idea that maybe she would be happier elsewhere.  I put out a notice, but no takers.  Then she spent a month or so out in the country.  She was living as a dog; outside, running around, making friends with the goat next door, et...
Well, I picked her up last week with the plan of taking her out to meet with a lady who places dogs in good homes.  Sunday was the day that we were planning to meet.
Sunday came; it was almost time to go; I called my son downstairs.... I ask him "What do you think? Should we, shouldn't we? I just don't know."  Well, he says "Let's ask Delilah".... He takes her head in his hands, and says "Delilah, do you want to go find a new home"?  Well, she looks at him with this face that seemed to say "Huh? New home, what are you talking about? I am home silly, now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my nap".
So, we decided that Delilah was happy to be home with us and as much as a lumux as she can be, I think she just needs me and really loves me. So.... She's stayin!  By the photos I've posted, I think you will see that she is quite happy about my decision.

Hey, if you enjoyed the story, let me know... leave a comment, better yet - join as a follower.
Be blessed, have a great day!

Tina

Weekend Adventure ~

Well, It's Sunday evening; I am just sitting down for the first time since Friday morning.  I am really excited about  my yard sale find this weekend and I would like to share.
I knew there was going to be a few out because the paper said so, and the weather was perfect.  I went to the "Biggie"... you know, the one that advertises of it's coming for about a month in advance. Yeah, well, that one was a flop.  I mean, either it was a rack of purses with tags still on them for $10.00, great price, only they looked like that was their origional cost.  Or..... They had things like soapy shower racks for five dollars.  Ughh, ew, gross.  So, I left there and headed for another that was so tiny, I actually passed it up once for lack of interest.  Well, I had some time to blow, so I decided to stop in.  I met a really neat older lady that told me she had sixteen siblings growing up.  Wow.  She got a kick out of me and my sister.  Anyways, I purchased a couple of ollllldddd little sofa tables for a steal.  Then I got a neat old and very uietaken care of rocker.... this thing looked terrible.   But, not for long.....
I took them all home and got right to work on the rocker.  I just KNEW this thing had life still left in it.  So away I went just rubbing New Life Oil into every square inch of the old wood.  I mean, I soaked it.  When I was finished I was amazed.  What once appeared to be a worthless piece of garbage old rocker, now looked like an aged, antique but well kept rocker with some value.
Now, of course I have to decide if I want to sell this baby at my booth in town for a NICE profit? Or do I want to keep it, throw a pillow on it and just rock away my stresses to the sounds of Spring? Hmmmm....
Your input would help.
But, as I write this little piece of info... I get to thinking about us humans.  How we can really get to lookin' pretty bad at some points in our lives.  Life's wear and tear can really do damage to our appearance.  And so often we are over looked because of our outer appearance.
Thankfully ~ God never overlooks us.  Ever!  He is like, "I'm here always, to the very end".  I love the feeling of knowing that no matter what.....God always loves us and is always looking out for us. What a God!
So, the next time your out looking for garage sales, don't pass the tiny ones  by so fast, you might find a hidden treasure there.
Blessing to all,
Tina :o)

ALIEN YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, now I am starting to read more and more blogs daily.  However, I have yet to find one that I can relate to when it comes to teen boys.  Seems that most of the bloggers I come across are Moms with grown kids or Moms of little tots.  Anyone out there have a 14-15 year old son currently?  Or does anyone know of a good blog I can go to? It would just be nice to know that there was SOMEONE OUT THERE experiencing the things I do.  A lady once told me that at around this age an Alien comes and takes over the boy and then about 6 months to a year or so later he comes back.  I think I am in the ALIEN YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Childhood Pals

Facebook.  When I first started using it, I found all sorts of people on there that I recognized from high school, cool. As time went on, they started posting little pics of themselves with eachother as little tots. I mean, like preschool days.  I did not have any of these pics because unlike many of my high school class mates, I was not around to share the elementary days with my peers.
I was an Air Force brat, that means my family traveled and moved alot!
Now, when I first started seeing these pics pop up from my old high school pals I was, at first, a little saddened. I thought, 'hmmm, I don't have memories like that with them ~ pooey'.
But, yesterday I got to thinking..... I did have childhood buds that were always with me as I grew up and I have lots of photos with them.
You see, my chlid hood pals were my five siblings - Guy, Deb, Beck, Rick, and Kath.
Though we were stretched out over a ten year period of time, we were a gang.  Sometimes we played together, sometimes just one or two would play together, sometimes it was just being around eachother.
When I saw the photos from my old friends playing with eachother as preschoolers, I felt a little jealous at first. As though I maybe missed out on something.  Well, turns out I missed out on nothing. I not only had the best childhood pals, but I still have em.  Yup, the six of us, though spread far apart thorughout the Country, are tight!
Yes, as any siblings do, we have our differences, we all have our own opinions and gladly and boldly share them.  However, we know deep down inside, that we could not do with out eachother.
I live near two of my siblings and we started meeting once a month over a dinner at a local diner; just the three of us.  No spouses, no kids. Just us.  We talk, laugh, gossip, etc....
So, as I wonder what childhood pics I might post on Facebook of old play mates, I just go to the good ol' family album... take a couple out and remenise on the good ol' days with my childhood pals.
I had five good ones - and I still have em.

Smells and Memories

You know how smells and sounds can sometimes take you back to a place in your life.  Well, I would like to share today some of the things that take me back, and why.... I would love it if you would share also...

Rain - Well, rain when it is just sort of trickling down makes me think of a "Peter Rabbit" video I used to put on for my kids when they were little.  It was set in England, and it started out with Beatrix Potter writing a story... and as she writes, it turns into the cartoon story of Benjamin Bunny and Peter.  Maybe it's my years of living in England as a little girl, just daydreaming out in the beautiful country side and soaking up those little trickling rainy days.

Patchulie Oil - Reminds me of my brother Guy and days from my childhood and teen years when he was around.  He was much older than me, and I really looked up to him when I was young, so that smell makes me feel good.

BBQ - Who doesn't like this smell.  This one makes me think of when I was a teenager in El Paso, my friend Shawns Mom often took us along to Chamber functions that were sometimes out at some remote but very cool desert ranch where there were lots of people, lots of drinking and lots of good stuff on a big grill.
It was just neat to be there.

This is a weird one, but smell of a burning Marlboro Cigarette - This reminds me of the freedom I felt as a teenager in high school when we would jump in my friend Kelly's car and speed away from school, puffing away as we headed for trouble!

The smell of burning leaves, or brush in the distance - makes me think of when I lived in England as a child. The cool air, the misty countryside scene and the smell of burning leaves in the distance, mmmm.

SOS (Avon's Skin So Soft) - Reminds me of my Mother.  When we were growing up, she would often soak in a nice long bath with this stuff, then get all pretty and dressed nice right before my Dad got home from work. She was a beauty.

The smell of the heater vent when you turn it on for the first time in the winter, kind of that burning dust smell.
believe it or not this one is a nice memory for me.
It takes me back to when my first child was a baby, we lived in a tiny apartment, and I remember going in the kitchen in the morning for coffee and smelling that smell.

Ok, another weird one - The smell of newspaper - this one makes me remember how the bathroom smelled after my Dad had been in there for quite some time. haha

The smell of a brand new barbie or barbie house.  That just takes me back to when Kathy, my sister and I used to get new barbies for Christmas, or just playing with them for hours and hours.

The smell of mulled cider candles - this one reminds me of my friend Kim's house in The Colony, Tx.
they always seemed to have a candle that smelled of mulled cider burning.

Peach pot pourie - this smell reminds me of the office at the apartment we moved into in Dallas in 1989.

Well, thats enough smells for now.  As you can tell, I am a big smeller.  In fact, I have such a sensitive sniffer that I will actually stay away from places because of smells, some just make me sick.  One that truly is offensive to not just me, but lots of people:
OLP - this is my name for "Old Lady Perfume".  I have told my children that if I ever start wearing it by some freak accident, to please let me know, and toss me in the shower for a good scrub down.

I would be interested in hearing about smells, scents, etc... that take you back to something/somewhere.
Share away -
Until next time,
Be blessed, be happy, be healthy ~
 Tina

~Life is a journey full of paths~

Today as I was on my daily outdoor exercise, I got to thinking about something and it reminded me of a funny thing my ex-husband use to say to me.  I tell you this because I do from time to time have flashbacks of funny things he said to me.
About a month ago I got to worrying about this.  Was I missing him? Was I regretting divorcing him? What???Why would I be thinking nice things about him?
Well, here is the answer:  I am really working hard on making changes in my life right now, one area I really want to change is negative living.  (Negative eating, negative thinking, negative talk, negative money management, etc...) Trying to be a more positive person in general.
So, I thought to myself, Aha! I am learning to remember the good things about people in my past.  Even and especially those who might have caused me pain.
I had to remind myself that I was just learning to be more positive, that is why I was not concentrating on negative memories of my ex.
Another reason we don't want to dwell on the bad things about people in our past is this:
Everyone is on a journey - right?
Okay, now you may have left certain people in your past on this 'path' of life.
However..... if you should choose to sit down on a bench and take a rest on your journey, someone from your past may just catch up to you.  When they do, wouldn't it be better if they felt good to see you and maybe even decide to sit with you for a bit and visit and catch up on life.  Then you would pleasantly part ways and one of you would go on your way down your path on your journey and leave the other behind, in their past.
Just something I thought about on my little outdoor adventure today.

Saying goodbye to the past.........

Today I read an article that was talking about a couple of small towns and merging their schools.
A few weeks ago I was driving to a job when I noticed the beautiful landscape around me that had been chopped up, carved up, dug up or piled onto to build new homes, new subdivisions.
Last week I was jogging through a nearby neighborhood and admiring the cute little gingerbread type houses.  Still lived in, and nicely kept.  I thought about how much I loved the little town feel when I moved here; and then I thought about how in a few years or more, these little houses might be bought by a company and replaced by offices.

These thoughts caused me to realize even more how our 'little towns'.... the very towns that built our Country, are slowing going away.  Schools that once were small town schools, the pride of the town - merging to become a bigger school, so that they can get more funding.
Beautiful hills, wonderful for hiking - being torn apart to make homes for the people who sold thier little homes in town so someone could use it as a dentist office.
Ughhh, I know that growth is nesseccerry, but its so sad sometimes to watch history slowly dissapear.  I guess it's a part of life, but it's never really easy to say goodbye.

Sometimes it's painful to learn the dance

Good day to all,
I hope that you are enjoying the rain, wind, sun, snow, etc.. (depending on which part of the country your in, or if your in Texas, which day it is).

I have been spending the last week exercising! I have jogged, walked, worked with some weights and am happy to say that the scale is reading a lower weight than it did when I started this thing last Monday.  Woo Hoo.  Won't really get to excited until the pants start fitting a bit looser.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately.
I love to save little sayings or quotes that people make, say, or sing.

This week, I have felt like I was growing.  It could be that the exercise was making my mind a little clearer.  However, I feel a bit more hopeful.  You see I am trying to get into school. Funny thing is that everyone asks me "What are you going for"?  I don't ever have an answer.  I am just going.  I guess because it seems that going to school is a good thing for many different reasons.  I just want to learn, to grow mentally, to expand my horizons, if you will.
I have filled out most of the necessary paperwork, and am waiting on some information.  I am hoping to get this going in the Fall.
.
I have learned that my life is not really going to get better if I keep doing that same thing I have been doing for years. I need to stretch, and make some positive change. It won't be easy, but I can do it. I want my life to be the best it can be and I am determined. Life has not been super easy for me, but instead of sulking and looking back on the past, I am looking ahead to a better tomorrow.
So, this is the saying I want to share with you today, it's from a popular country song, it really says it all: "I could've missed the pain, but I'd had to miss the dance".  
I love that.  Looking back on life sometimes causes us to think about all the pain we have experienced.  Yet, without the pain, we would not be where we are, stronger, better educated in many areas, etc...
I guess I am thankful for the painful things I have encountered along the way. I am thankful for all the wonderful things I have encountered along the way. But I am really excited about all the adventures ahead for me.  Can't wait. Until then, I will jog, and walk and workout and do my best to be a healthy girl.
So, to you I say..... "Endure the pain, enjoy the dance".
Blessings to all,
Tina