Due to some very un joyful experiences in 'the church' scene during my many years in it, I have spent the last four years (at least) away from church.
I also have not listened to Christian radio or music because of the bad memories it brought back to me. In other words - for a long time, I have been mad at GOD!
Yup, you heard it, mad at God. I mean after all, couldn't He of all people have made my life just a little bit easier. Why would HE allow me to struggle and watch people I love enjoy doing fun or nice things in life. Well, this anger has caused me to stay arms distance from Him for a long time. Now, since I know that God moves in very peculiar ways, I knew that eventually He would find a way that would work - to talk to me, AND HE DID! After a week of serious emotional up's and down's, I was worn out. Spent! I was achey, angry, bitchy, cranky, etc... But.... on Thursday, I noticed as soon as I woke up something odd was going on. My body did not hurt like it always did, I felt refreshed and hopped right out of bed. I got my son off to school, and headed for work. However, I had some time before I needed to start work so I parked at a convenience store to eat my breakfast and turned on the radio. Usually I listen to country or talk radio. But this morning I thought "Maybe I might find some refreshing words that could help me on the Christian radio". So, I scanned the dials until I fell upon a preacher that I was familiar with and one that I did respect, so I stopped and listened. Now, remember I had had a week of hell, feeling like I was going to be doing what I do forever, never getting ahead. I felt like God was done with me, my life was finished and now I was just exsisting. I felt like an old woman who had already lived her life. I felt as though I had made too many mistakes and now my future was sealed with a stamp that says "useless". Until I heard these words: "Don't be tethered to your past, rather, be tethered to Gods Word". and "We cannot predict HOW God is going to accomplish HIS WORD, only that He WILL accomplish it", and (my favorite).... "Even if you've lost time, you're not to old, If your still here, God is not finished with you".
Well, needless to say, all I could do was look up and say "thank you". I guess maybe there is a possible better future ahead for me. I truly needed a glimmer of hope and I got it.
Gods not done with me yet.